Saturday 16 July 2011

Alone in the Dark

A night in Bangalore. Loneliness crept inside,coercing me to do cruel, mean,selfish acts to take a vicious pleasure to see her wince, which in-turn heaped to the bundle of regrets. A  day or two had passed but a little regret will always follow you till your last breath. 
             A night's sleep has gone and i just took a walk along the abandoned path around my house. A walk for 30 minutes  exploring the emptiness around , the darkness  inside, the darkness outside. Its always a late realization of how selfish you could be. i asked myself several times,walking in the dark , what do you need? Why should you hurt someone for what you want ? What made you feel this way? Dependence.. 
Each and every living thing tends to depend on others, be it a dog, a cat , human or a tree . But it makes sense only when it is being taken and given back. Taking and taking ,all the time,would never help the one who keeps giving it.Learn to love people without expecting, still how blinded one could be i could never understand. The love i got , was to be given back , that's what was expected. Once you are alone , never start bugging them and crave for the past, living in the past will eat  your brains.Live in the present.Know what is happening,feel it,you made this happen,it was your choice,you could have made it better.So now its the challenge to face it.
I walked a bit more far.I felt the cold breeze,took a long breath as if it was a futile attempt of accepting things as it is.I wished to cry but my eyes were dry,a silly pout with a heavy heart, that's all that remained.
Soon i got the call on my phone which was expected by me,Only me, and it didn't last for long.Then i knew better, 
Those days are gone.I would want to swallow the past as if it never happened and start eating the present.Chew every bit of it and feed myself. Try to compensate for what had happened and start loving without expecting, but it stills remain unanswered.
I reached near my house, sat down on the bare land for a while.A dog which i pamper every night came close to me. She looked up with her confused eyes and inquisition.She growled.I talked to her for a while.The pup rushed into the scene and  felt jealous that i was cuddling the mother.
Jealousy,Possessiveness still remains there, no matter its a human or animal.A wasted spin-off, a bad suicidal one which kills the love gradually, it burns inside you and all the flesh burns out to smoke in the thin air.The odor will remain in the heart fused by transitional sequences of the past.

The past.

Now what? 

Still I remain in the past which  I can never get past.

10 comments:

avk said...

enthonnadey ithu.... nee psychic aayi vareyanallo... :p

avk said...

enthonnadey ithu..nee physic aayi vareyanallo... :P

BORAN said...

@Avk : Haha ..enthonnu psychic aliya..Each and everyonegot something to say, just opening up :)

angel in disguise.... said...

hey....u wrote this? seriously...its really good....but y are u so sad....jus pep up n forget the past....n let it be fast...;)

angel in disguise.... said...

hey....u wrote this? seriously...its really good....but y are u so sad....jus pep up n forget the past....n let it be fast...;)

BORAN said...

@Angel : Why that question? ' ypu wrote this? ' lol.. yea, trying to forget the past :)

Nanbenda said...

i will never ask you to forget the past.For me the past is the one that can give the courage to move forward.I try to keep only the beautiful moments of the past close to my heart,even though its not so easy.When i remember those happy moments,it makes me happy. That's the only way i could try to heal my wounds.
When i remember the bad times of past it reminds me that i have survived even the worst of all.Just as that one i will survive this new one. come on, we have to overcome.This world is the survival of the fittest,nature teaches that.This one also will pass away.

BORAN said...

@Sk : yes, people understand it lately, but better late than never

Lexi said...

woww a good & fab post... I can feel the pain in those writings. It happens with all so don't worry... make new friends, go to new place, mingle with new people, be in the crowd don't ever think of being alone, engage yourself in some busy schedules... all this will help to overcome your situations. I do all these when I really go through some bad situations of my life. Keep writing openly like this :)

BORAN said...

@lexi : thanks Lexi :) happy to see a comment after a while