A night's sleep has gone and i just took a walk along the abandoned path around my house. A walk for 30 minutes exploring the emptiness around , the darkness inside, the darkness outside. Its always a late realization of how selfish you could be. i asked myself several times,walking in the dark , what do you need? Why should you hurt someone for what you want ? What made you feel this way? Dependence..
Each and every living thing tends to depend on others, be it a dog, a cat , human or a tree . But it makes sense only when it is being taken and given back. Taking and taking ,all the time,would never help the one who keeps giving it.Learn to love people without expecting, still how blinded one could be i could never understand. The love i got , was to be given back , that's what was expected. Once you are alone , never start bugging them and crave for the past, living in the past will eat your brains.Live in the present.Know what is happening,feel it,you made this happen,it was your choice,you could have made it better.So now its the challenge to face it.
I walked a bit more far.I felt the cold breeze,took a long breath as if it was a futile attempt of accepting things as it is.I wished to cry but my eyes were dry,a silly pout with a heavy heart, that's all that remained.
Soon i got the call on my phone which was expected by me,Only me, and it didn't last for long.Then i knew better,
Those days are gone.I would want to swallow the past as if it never happened and start eating the present.Chew every bit of it and feed myself. Try to compensate for what had happened and start loving without expecting, but it stills remain unanswered.
I reached near my house, sat down on the bare land for a while.A dog which i pamper every night came close to me. She looked up with her confused eyes and inquisition.She growled.I talked to her for a while.The pup rushed into the scene and felt jealous that i was cuddling the mother.
Jealousy,Possessiveness still remains there, no matter its a human or animal.A wasted spin-off, a bad suicidal one which kills the love gradually, it burns inside you and all the flesh burns out to smoke in the thin air.The odor will remain in the heart fused by transitional sequences of the past.
Still I remain in the past which I can never get past.